X marks the 'spot'

Its funny, I'm drawn to your face. Yet, your crotch steals it away.. again.
xox mk

BSB

Incomplete? How about obsolete?

Blinded by the Light

If she's a top model.. then I'm Cindy Crawford.
xox mk

Starlight, Starbright

Wrinkle, wrinkle little star, hope they never see the scars.

xo ash

3 Pointer

Cheering for the home team?? Or just sizing me up?

xo ash

Ben & Gerri's

Hey have you tried the new flavour, I'm a Fucking Mess?

xo ash

Crack is Whack.. Biatch

Back in rehab again Whitney? Tsk, tsk.. Who's gonna take care of lil' Bobbi?
I hope to god its not Big Bobby. Who am I kidding, he's probably in jail.

Say hi to Pat O'Brien for me!

xox mk

Glitter 2

"Oh shit! I think that last line burst one of my tits"

xo ash

Mrs. Speaderline,

For the love of god, buy yourself a damn bra woman.

And a bottle of shampoo wouldn't kill you either.
xox mk

Dear Shannen Doherty,

Surprise, Surprise. They all still hate you!

xox mk

Fatstreet Boy

Nice tits, er.. I'm mean tats.

xox mk

Dear Mr. Simpson,

Please stop whoring out your daughters. We beg of you, its not normal.
Like, okay I can kinda understand the thing you have for Jessica, I'll admit that's one pretty girl you have there. But you need to stop talking about her boobs, that's gross. Really gross.

As for Ashlee, give up on her now. Everyone else has.

xox mk

Stink

You read my mind.

xox mk

Mr. Spears

Kevin, don't want to burst your bubble or anything..... but YOU ARE A BACK UP DANCER.
You are not black, rich or a rapper. Its nice that your wife covers you in 'bling' and pays for all your Marly's but seriously Kev, do you think you look cool?

Ali G called, he wants his style back.
Peace out K-dog.

xox mk

No, no, you've never seen coke before...  

Brit Brit

Shopping List:
3 cases of diet coke
8 cases of Cheeto's
4 packs of Marlboro's
A bra.

xox mk

Dear Robert,

Mr. Blake, you are one lucky son of a bitch.

xox mk

X-tina

A little goes a long way.
And I'm not talking about your herpes meds.
I'm talking about your make up.

xox mk

I'm not a party girl

Now I know that you want to be 'taken seriously' these days. But honey, I’m so distracted by your crotch and your tits that I don't even see your face when I’m looking at you.

How do you expect to be taken seriously when all I can do is stare at your crotch?
Keep this up and we’ll be seeing you on the game show circuit with J-Lo-Hewitt.

Sober up Tara. And put some clothes on.

xox mk

Hohan

Linds,
What's up? Haven't heard from you in awhile? I know that you were pretty upset about you and Fez breaking up. I guess you heard he's hooked up with the Eva Longoria... that sucks eh? I guess he's really over you.

Anyway, what's this I hear about you saying that people think you're anorexic? Who said that to you? Come on Linds' fess up. I highly doubt that your doctor said that to you. Let's be real here. Next time someone says that to you, tell them to give their eyes a good rub. There ain't nothing anorexic about you.

You're such a wanna-be.
xox mk

Dear Michael, I'm sorry to hear about all of your legal troubles lately. I can't see why people think that you would do any harm to a child. Just look at you, does that look like a child molester? What child wouldn't feel safe looking into that face? Who wouldn't leave thier 12 year old in your arms?

Um, yeah I can't think of anyone either.

Best of Luck Mikey,
xox mk
 

Limp Bizkit

You have a small penis. Don't call me.
Ever.
xox mk

J-Lo. Hewitt

Jenny, what's going on? Your head seems to be considerably smaller than your body. Could it be that your boobs are swallowing you? Oh, that's right your boobs aren't actually that big, its just that you keep going on and on about them. So that we can't help but notice them.

Hey, good luck on your new tv show. Wow, that's a big drop from the big movie roles you used to have. Remember that time you were almost slipping into "B" land, and then Ashton 'punked' you. That was a great day wasn't it?? Ashton remembered who you were, even though the one time you actually met he brushed you off because Brittany Murphy was so cracked out, but he smiled at you... at least.. remember that? I bet you do.

Well Jen, its time I give you some tough love, like you J-Lo-ve Hewitt. Its almost like a pun, hey Jen. Well, Jen back to the tough love, its not easy for me Jenny, well, where do I begin, well let me give it to you straight, your about one season away from reality tv. There I said it. But really by the time your career plummets, I think reality tv will be over. I'm sorry Jen that I had to be the one to tell you. But I had to, because we're friends.

Okay, well we're not really friends. I'm nice to you, but I hate you.
There I've said that too.I look forward to watching you on the Surreal Life 9

xox mk

TrimSpa Baby!

Remember that time when you were a stripper, and then you met that old billionaire, and then you got a huge Guess modelling contract? And then remember that time that you FUCKED IT ALL UP? You didn't get any of the old man's money... and then worse yet.. you got FAT.

Fine, I will give you the fact that you did make it up by signing on with TrimSpa, and you did luck out with the deal, considering you're high every moment of the day. (I'm jealous I wish I was high all day)

But let's get back to the facts Vic, you have a son. I know you may not know his father, but you are sadly his mother. Put your shirt down, pull your pants up, and wean yourself off the TrimSpa.

Well, on second thought, that's the only thing going for you.. keep it up.

xox mk

MeMe

Oh my god Mi, I love the cover of your new album. It almost reminds me of someone, I just can't put my finger on who.. You look great, really you look almost like.. well, jeez, I know it reminds me of someone. Who could it be? Freoncye? Oh maybe Beyonce..

Hey wait a minute, don't tell me you're going to go crazy again, like that time that J-Lo-Anthony was killing you on the charts and kept releasing her new tracks before yours, and your ex-husband Tommy Mattola, was um like J-Lo's manager at the time, and then you went crazy and wrote nonsense on your website and we're like almost-sorta locked up in the hospital for 'exhaustion'. (Of course not like the 'exhaustion Lindsay Lohan suffers from)
But then you got better didn't cha' Mi. You're better now, you're a new person and you certainly aren't trying to copy the new 'it' girl on the block are you Be.. I mean Mi.

You will always look great wrapped up in white.
xox mk